Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 17

Hells bells! Finally! Good job, Vicky, getting engaged to that bloke Damien or whatever his name is. I mean we, the royal lot, shouldn’t be living in sin for ages without getting married. That’s for peasants. Imagine having to hide your love for such a long time. It must be dreadfully boring.

Anyway, I wish you could’ve seen Gusty’s face when being told that Vicky had made her choice.

- Fuck a duck! I had everything planned! he yelled.

Apparently he had talked with some German duke about the possibilities of him asking for Vicky’s hand. Graf Schwänzchen von Arschloch-Sauerkrautsknödel his name was.
He was rather reluctant though. Wanted money and stuff in between, but negotiations were running rather smoothly. Only days before the deal would be sealed, Vicky tells her parents that she’ll marry a man of the people. You know, seeing a grown-up people crying is good fun.

The other day Victoria and Denmark came to see me at Sophiahemmet. I had arranged with newspapers on the floor in case he hadn’t been house-trained. He had.
When Vicky went to powder her nose I gave Denzel a good stare and said:

"Listen you lucky bastard! If you think you’ve eaten all caviar you can eat, there’s always more to be eaten. If you think you can’t drink more Champagne – think again and then drink again. If you think your credit cards will have some kind of limit, you’re as stupid as you look. If you think ordinary people will see through this charade and ask for a republic, then you haven’t understood how stupid the man in the street is. I mean, look at me! I’m the Princess Lilian for crying out loud. How’s that for a weird joke? Came from nowhere – got everything. Just like you! The tax-payers will look after you, don’t you worry. This silly game will go on for another generation or more. I’d drink for that if I had something to drink."

At that stage it turned out that the good boy Diesel had a flask in his pocket (Yes, it was a flask. I thought for a moment that Vicky had struck gold!) and he gave me a swig. He had one himself and we smiled at each other.

- Here’s to years in luxury!

I think Dan Wersting will turn out just fine!

Luv’

Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 16

Are you interested in languages? I am! I actually consider learning Swedish. Wouldn’t that be just wonderful?

Talking about languages and words, did you know that the Americans don’t use the word autumn? They say fall. Isn’t that weird?
Anyway, yesterday I took another autumn in my home, (hope that’s not too smart for you) so now I’m back at Sophiahemmet. The doctors say I may have broken or splintered something. Maybe a leg, maybe a pelvis. Who knows? Who cares? You care? Well, sod off! I’ll have plenty of time for watching telly and writing clever blog posts.

Talking about being back in hospital; have you heard that wonderful song There was a Red-back on the Toilet Seat? It’s about what happens if you, when going to the loo, sit on a venomous spider. Go on, listen to it!



After hearing that I feel pretty happy that nothing like that happened to me. I mean, the journos would have gone bananas. Think of the headlines:

Lilian’s got a spider up her jacksy. King Carl Gustaf concerned.

Princess Lilian watches Spiderman from hospital bed. Ice bag attached to her bottom.

Antivenin flown in from Australia.

Expert: If you’re a princess – always check toilet seat before crapping.


I must say I prefer to quietly fall over, and if you disagree I couldn’t care less.

Remember, I’m a princess and what I say goes. All right?


Luv,

Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 15

I’ve been told that it would be appropriate if I sort of told the blog readers about last year, so here goes:
2008, what a year! It started with January and ended with December. Would you believe it?
Anyway, this was my 2008.

January: Went out for drinks with the girls just about every Tuesday. Got sick and vomited all over my place and was brought to hospital. Quite a few lookers among the doctors!

February: Went out for drinks with the girls just about every Tuesday. Watched the dogs mate every afternoon.

March: Went out for drinks with the girls just about every Tuesday. Discovered the Internet! Lots of porn out there, not that I had a look every night. It’s interesting to know that it’s there though.

April: Aaaah, spring! I had a Champagne blast in the garden with friends. Some poor people tried to steal some oysters, but I had the guys from SÄPO to release the hounds. Mind you, these people probably hadn’t had much to eat recently, but boy did they run! Got drunk confused at Gusty’s birthday festivities and was brought home. Went out for drinks with the girls just about every Tuesday.

May: Went out for drinks with the girls just about every Tuesday. Was talked into starting blogging. Got a load of new friends on the Internet. Had SÄPO to check them out in order to avoid people with a yearly income less than 1 000 000 kr. Lost most of my friends on the Internet.

June: Went out for drinks with the girls just about every Tuesday. Forgot the Internet on the 12th of June. Re-discovered the Internet on the 13th of June. Lots of porn out there, not that I had a look every night.

July: Don't remember a thing. Guess I went to the Wimbledon. Borg won, didn't he?

August: Was told by Gusty that my shopping had reached unbelievable heights. Keep it up, he said and increased my allowance. Stjärnorna på slottet was shot in Skåne. Went out for drinks with the girls just about every Tuesday.
Took a fall in my home and was rushed to the lookers at the hospital. Turned out I had broke my hip. Drank lots of Champagne when coming home.

September: Discovered cable television. Spent most of that month indoors except on Tuesday nights.

October: Went out for drinks with the girls just about every Tuesday. Rewarded my hard-working staff with an additional 30 kronor for their good job. I think they went roller-skating.

November: Spent most of that dreadful month in Nice. Flew in the girls every Tuesday. Had Gusty to pay for their air fares.

December: Father Christmas arrived with lots of goodies. I thought about giving some of it away to feed some poor kids somewhere at a place I don’t know the name of and never will go to. It sounded plain stupid so I decided against it. Went out for drinks with the girls just about every Tuesday.

Well, there you are. Happy New Year and all that crap.

And remember, I’m a princess and what I say goes. All right?


Luv,

Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 14

You all know what happened three months ago. I took a fall in my home, Villa Solbacka, was rushed to the hospital and the doctors had a go at my hip.
Prior to being put to sleep I had written down what I wanted to enjoy after surgery; just a humble list of things I thought I deserved:

Case of good old British lager
One bottle of Champagne + ice-bucket
Oysters. Loads of them
Lost DVD-box (First season). I never cared for the subsequent seasons. Things got a bit out of hands, didn't they?
Packet of fags

When I fell asleep my hip was dislocated but when I woke up again I felt disorientated. (Sounds like the lyrics to a song, doesn’t it?)
Anyway, I could hear the girls’ voices when I opened my eyes. Gretchen, Dorothy and Sheila were all laughing and clearly having a good time. It was just a plain Thursday afternoon. What were they so bloody happy about?
I raised my head a bit only to see them drinking Champagne - my Champagne.

- Oi! Hands off my Bollinger, you bastards!

They shrieked of laughter and helped themselves to a new round.

- All right then, I tried. Give us a drink for Christ sake!

- Sorry luv, you can’t have any. Doctors’ order.

Somehow their face expressions didn’t tell the story of three friends who felt sorry for me. They just kept on drinking and talking dirty to the male nurse who was supposed to look after me, not flirting with those old bags.

Gretchen lit a cigarette.

- Stop that, will you! This is a hospital. You can’t smoke in here.

- No worries, Lil. This is a private hospital and you’ve got a private room.

- Sweet, give us a fag then!

- Sorry luv, you can’t have any. Doctors’ order.

I told them to sod off but they couldn’t care less.

- Oh crap, I said and went back to sleep.

Two miserable weeks I had to spend there before being sent home. I was good to be back at my own place. I guess you wonder what I’ve been up to. I’ve just relaxed. I’ve leaned back and let my staff take care of everything, just like I’ve always done. I’m a princess, you know.

I’ve done some reading, I’ve had some Champagne, I’ve done some thinking and I’ve watched some TV.
Have you got Animal Planet at your places? It’s a bloody marvellous channel! The have programs whith animals humping. No seriously, I'm telling the truth!
And I’ll tell you another thing: They’ve got kangaroos in Australia! I’m not pulling your leg, they’ve got kangaroos there – the real deal! I mean, we’ve all seen them at the zoo but in Oz the roam freely.
I was amazed. You think you know it all, and then WHAM – you learn something new.
By the way, kangaroos are not reptiles; they’re marsupinals marziponials macedonians.


A couple of weeks ago Carl Philip inherited a mansion in Sörmland, a flat at Lidingö, some paintings and shares. All in all it was worth some 18 million kr. Article here.
This generous man met Carl Philip in the 90s when they both worked on a boat. Like many other… gentlemen, he grew really fond of the Prince and ended up making a few adjustments in his will.
You know, he could have given everything to the Red Cross that could’ve helped starving people in Africa, but he gave it all the Carl Philip! What a brilliant guy!

You see, we’re royal and we should have everything that’s coming our way.

And remember, I’m a princess and what I say goes. All right?

Luv,

Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 13

I guess you all have read the news. I happened to take a fall in my home yesterday. My hip isn't what it should be.
No, I wasn't drunk! As loyal readers of my blog know I only drink alcohol in small quantities.

I'd like to send my grateful regards to the handsome medics who helped me into the ambulance. Yes, I do look great considering my age. I know that, but thanks a lot for pointing that out in a very stressful moment. I helped a bit.

Bummer this would happen now! I was going to the anabolic games in China this week. Good job I got to spend some days at the castle though.


That little man Jonas Gardell was a cutie. I had plans for him. Those plans included him and me trapped in a closet.
I asked a guy in the production team if it would make good TV? I was strongly advised not to drag him into a closet.
"He has already come out of the closet", I was told.
That kind of puzzled me. Had anyone else taken him into the closet? Schollin perhaps? Damn! I really wanted to lay my hands on Gardell. Damn Schollin!

Now I'm at hospital. The doctors gonna have a go at me later today. Fingers crossed everything goes well.
This is a short list of things I'd like to see when I wake up afterwards:

Case of good old British lager
One bottle of Champagne in an ice-bucket
Oysters. Loads of them
Lost DVD-box (First season). I never cared for the subsequent seasons. Things got a bit out of hands, didn't they?
Packet of fags. (Yes, I know I shouldn't but what a heck!)

You know I'm a princess! And what I say goes! All right?

Luv,

Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 12

I was having a quiet dinner (Champagne and oysters) when the phone rang. It was Gusty. Apparently he had second thoughts about me launching a new foundation and the suggestions I had in mind.
"Whatever you pick will make us look stupid, Lilian", he said.
"Ordinary people would understand that we're running a scam business. They would see through your foundation and through the idea of having a monarchy in a democratic country. There might be calls for a republic. I would have to get a straight job. For crying out loud!"

I could hear him sobbing, so I decided to scrap my foundation plans.
"Well, we can't have that, I guess" I answered him. I also like my privileges and I don't want to ruin anything. You know: Champagne should be cold, dry and preferably free.

However, there was still the problem with Maddy and her additional trips to the Côte d'Azur. Would I have to open my own purse? My clever Gusty promised to take care of it the usual way: Through the accounts in the Cayman Islands. Good job!

So there I was, sitting alone, nursing a glass of Champagne and wondering what I possibly could do with my life.
Silly me! I don’t know why it was so important to start a new foundation. I already have a freaking foundation! I realized that it was time to breathe some new life into Prince Bertil and Princess Lilian Sports Foundation.

God, it's already been 30 odd years since we started that foundation. I remember sitting with Bertie in the garden of Villa Solbacka talking about what kind of foundation we'd like to run. Our gardener, one cheeky bastard, suggested that we'd do something for starving children in Africa. Bertie and I laughed really hard for several minutes. Then we looked at each other and started laughing again. Good old Bertie even had tears coming out of his eyes.

After firing the gardener we settled for sports. That way Bertie could maintain his profile of someone who was interested in sports and got free tickets to the Olympics and all that, and I would have plenty of opportunities to take a closer look at gorgeous athletics. (I never told Bertie about that, but never mind.) Everybody was happy!

When Vicky grew up to be the understanding and caring woman she is, she also refused to have anything to do with starving kids and launched her sports scholarship presented every year at her birthday.
I must say that I'm a bit miffed about her handing out her sodding scholarship to all great men and women within the field of sports. I mean, who's left? Who would get this year's shit-load of cash from Prince Bertil and Princess Lilian Sports Foundation?

Earlier today I was thinking about sailing, which is a great sport available for everyone, but I couldn't come up with any names.
By the way, did you know that you might have to wait for 20 years in Göteborg before getting a place at the moorings where you can park your yatch? I'd say the situation is nothing but horrible. When are the politicians in that silly city going to do anything about that? Rich people will take their money and move elsewhere. How would you like that, you effing Westcoast-lefties?

Anyway, I really don't feel like looking around anymore for candidates. I hear my driver is starting up the limo outside. I'm off to NK for some serious shopping. So here goes:


These guys won. I don't know their names, I don't know where they're from and I don't know what they're up to (or into). Somehow I'm still going to send them a check.

Do you think I'm a nutcase? I couldn't care less.
I'm a princess you know, and what a say goes!

Luv,
Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 11

Hello there,

Yeah, I’ve been away for a while. You know, sometimes you don’t feel especially happy about things. Some people call it depression.
I always found it hard to determine if I had a depression or not. Over the years I learned to figure out that for myself. When I started feeling low, I would go out and buy myself something expensive. Spending money on clothes and jewellery enough to feed an entire family in a third world country usually make me happy. If I still feel sad – time to see the doctor.

It wasn’t that bad this time. A new dress and a diamond necklace sorted me out, and when the girls and me got together at Operakällaren for drinks last Tuesday, I could feel how the dark clouds drifted away. Brilliant!

I went to my shrink anyway to find out what really was troubling me. Turns out I feel useless. Despite being royal and having loads of money (provided by Swedish suckers taxpayers) and all that, I still feel some kind of emptiness.

I realized I needed to fill my life with good deeds. I went to Gusty to discuss in what areas I could make a difference.
"Lilian, why don't you start your own search engine on the Internet?" was the first thing he came up with. I thought it was a terrific idea. He's smart, you know!
20 minutes later I had the thing in place.

However, still I felt kind of numb and disorientated. How could I get back to the feeling of being important?
Again Gusty knew the answer: "Lilian, you know quite well what we royals do in order to look clever and caring in the eyes of the man in the street."

"Sure thing", I said. "We'll launch another freaking foundation!"

There is already the very important and appreciated “Prince Bertil and Princess Lilian Sports Foundation" but I feel the world is ready for a new Lilian foundation.
Question is what kind of foundation it'll be this time. I mean, I don't want to support a shit-load of freeloading bastards "we don’t want to work"-kind of asswhipes. The money I raise should only be sprinkled down on the poor souls deeply in need.
Gusty and I have come up with a list of possible target groups. God, I can already see their grateful looks when I wave my financial wand over their miserable lives.
Anyway, be good sports and help me pick one of these:

1. Left-handed tennis players with a cold.

2. Slightly disabled residents of Lidingö. A bad knee can ruin the day when playing golf!

3. H.R.H. Princess Madeleine. Shouldn't Maddy get an extra opportunity to go to Nice every month? Like every ordinary girl she needs to let her hair down with her ordinary friends at a place with a decent climate. Let her enjoy the nightclubs and days filled with shopping. You could make a difference to her life!

4. People making more than 850 000 kr/year with bald dogs. A Lilian foundation could make their lives more enjoyable. Look how smart my bitch looks with her new wig! (Dog to the right left)

There you are. Now help me decide which one should be the new Princess Lilian Foundation.

Luv,
Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 10

We get a lot of bad press, I must say. It's been suggested that Gusty, Silvia, the kids and myself are just bunch of freeloading bastards with no talent whatsoever.

That's absolute rubbish! Bertie, my husband could drive sport cars really fast and the same goes for the king.

Silvia speaks so many languages. I can't believe how clever she is. When she starts learning Swedish she'll probably be fluent within a fortnight.

Victoria knows how to deal talk with ordinary, mortal people. Her girl-next-door attitude is well known and appreciated. She'll make a great queen.

Madeleine is.. she is… Well, I'll have to get back to you on that.

Let's not forget about Carl-Philip. He also know how to drive expensive cars really fast, but there's more to him than that. He just won an important prize, you see. He's some kind of designer, you know.

And this is how Martha's Vineyard Museum will be marketed in a near future:

In your face, suckers! That's not talent. That's talent.

Luv,
Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 9

Yeah, this is already old news, but I must admit that I'm pretty proud of being on the show.
I'd like to stress that I wasn't easy to convince. The production team sat down with me a full minute before I approved with a divine gesture. (I slammed my fist down and shrieked: "I'll do it, goddammit!")
Then I had to sign a contract. Included was some kind of ground rules. I'll share them with you:

Kära deltagare,
Hjärtinnerligen välkomna till årets upplaga av Stjärnorna på slottet. Vi hoppas och tror att 2008 års programserie kommer att bli lika framgångsrik och uppskattade som tidigare upplagor. Vem minns inte t.ex. när Börje Ahlstedt tryckte ner en nystekt kalkon över huvudet sjungandes "We shall overcome" eller när Britt Ekland spetsade ett medsmugglat marsvin på en påle och arrangerade en svart mässa tillsammans med Magnus Härenstam?
Vi kommer även i år lägga ribban högt och ha tålamod med vissa excesser. Några få regler måste vi ändå ha. Läs noga igenom och begrunda:

Det är inte tillåtet att springa runt naken inoljad i kycklingfett i slottsträdgården.
När kamerorna är på undanber vi oss skämt om bögar, karriärer i utförsbacke, kungahuset, IKEA, basklarinetter, stavgång och skenavrättningar.
Följande djur är ej tillåtna på slottet: Kejsarpingvin och vombater.
På förekommen anledning vill vi understryka att högre doser av laxeringsmedel ej får smygas ner i maten.
Vi föreslår att underkläder bytes åtminstone varannan dag. De deltagare som så önskar får byta med varandra.
Gravskändning bör företas med viss diskretion.


Piece of cake! See you there, suckers!

Luv,
Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 8

I know that I'm privileged to be able to live a life like this. Most people in Sweden don't get all expenses paid by the tax-payers like the royal family. I'd like to take the opportunity to thank all of you for a life in luxury.
However, I am a princess, you know, and I've given so much back. I deserve to live a life like this! In fact, I could do with some more money. Give it to me! And medals! What about medals? I haven't seen too many coming my way, that's for sure. I could do with some medals!
Look at that gorgeous Prince Phil of England. He's got a shit-load of medals. That's a bit unfair if you're asking me. Especially when you know that most of them he got for not breaking wind during the coronation.

Anyway, I'm going to put on all my jewelry and sit outside the house in the sun for a while. Wave and say hello if you spot me. I might even have a cold one for you in the eski.

Luv,
Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 7

Dear readers,
This time I am reaching out to you. I have found a strange artifact in one of the girls bed-room. It looks like some kind of toy, or perhaps a piece of modern art. Do you know what it is?

Could anyone please tell me what to do with it. Should I give it back or could I use it myself in any way? Do you think anyone would buy it if I put it out for sale? Would you buy it?

Luv,
Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 6

How are you, guys? I'm fine.

I'm going to get a bit cheeky now. You see, I have scanned some photos from my private photo album. I thought you'd all enjoy to watch some photos that haven't been published before.

Now, let's get this straight. Gusty is not that boring in private. He tells the occasional joke and he cross-dresses. Yes, the king of Sweden cross-dresses! I guess you could say that he wants to be a queen sometimes.
Anyway, the queen is very kind and dresses up in his uniform to please him. They sort of swap identities.
Here's the photo to prove it:

Gusty's always been a huge dog-lover. I'm not sure I like this new breed though.

I went to Sydney last February to see the annual Mardi Gras parade. I just had to take a photo of these two gentlemen. The one to the right looked somewhat familiar. I had to call home to be sure, but the person in question was supposed to be on a skiing holiday in Switzerland, so I guess I was wrong.


From what I've read Maddy is regarded the most good-looking member of the family. I couldn't agree more.

When Motörhead played in Stockholm last year, lead-singer and bass player Lemmy arranged a meet-and-greet. Guess who turned up!

Well, it's fab to have a family. I love them to bits!


Luv,
Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 5

Oi, mate! Don't get smart with me, you bastard! I'm a princess, you know, and I could always blog someplace else.

Some years ago that old bag Tarras got really friendly with me. Invited herself over for tea and would sit here for bloody hours with a tape-recorder, while I told her my usual line of anecdotes without any points whatsoever. Turns out she was writing a book. I got a bit upset first but then the checks started coming.I'm not sure there are any copies left, but buy the book if you come across it.

Anyway, last week's Princess Lilian's Fart-Game rendered me and this blog an article in Aftonbladet and Expressen. I'll give it another shot today. This time we'll fool around a bit with song titles. You just think of a title and then you'll replace a word in the title with "fart". Enjoy!

It's my party and I fart if I want to - Lesley Gore

Saturday Night's Alright For Farting – Elton John

Nobody told me there would be farts like these, strange farts indeed – John Lennon

Beds are farting – Midnight Oil

Would I fart to You? – Eurythmics

Fart - Van Halen

99 Fartballons – Nena

Owner Of A Lonely Fart – Yes

Careless Farter - Wham!

Fart On Me - A-Ha

One More Fart - Phil Collins

Farthammer - Peter Gabriel

Fart Like An Egyptian – Bangles

Here I fart Again – Whitesnake

Sweet Fart O' Mine - Guns N' Roses

How Am I Supposed To Fart Without You - Michael Bolton

No fart of mine – Genesis

F.A.R.T. - Village People

Do Ya Think I'm Farty? - Rod Stewart

Every breath you fart – The Police

You should be farting – Bee Gees

Fart it out loud – Kiss

Street Farting Man - Rolling Stones

Who Let The Farts Out - Baha Men

Bad Fart Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival


Don't know about you, but I need a drink and a smoke now.

Luv,
Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 4

Yesterday was a quiet one. I sat in the garden and listened to the birds. Pretty boring. Went for one of Bertie’s old rifles. Thought I would have a go at those freaking birds. Security saw what I was up to and told me to sod off. No respect!

I went back to my chair and came up with a little game. I've decided to call it Princess Lilian's Fart-Game.
Oi relax, I'm not going to break wind. What you do is to think of a movie title and then you'll replace a word in the title with "fart".
For example: Lord of the rings translates into Fart of the rings or perhaps even better: Lord of the farts. Good fun or what? Yes, I can see I've put a smile on your face.

OK, let's start with good old James Bond.
Dr. Fart
From Russia with fart
Fartfinger
Thunderfart
You only fart twice
The man with the golden fart
Fartraker
For your farts only
Octofarty
Licence to fart
Fart another day

We're havin' fun, aren't we?

That guy Al Pacino has been in some great movies:
The Godfarter
Fartface
Fart of love
Scent of a Fart

And what about Clint Eastwood…
A Fistful Of farts
Pale farter
The farts of Madison County

Tom Hanks
Fartless in Seattle
Forrest Fart
You've got fart
Fart away

And that director Spielberg
Close Encounters of the Third fart
Raiders of the Lost fart
Indiana Jones and the Temple of fart
Jurassic Fart

And let's not forget his mate George Lucas
Fart Wars / Star farts
The Empire farts back
Return of the fart
Fart of the Clones

And finally a bunch of films with no relation:
Terminator 3 - Rise of the Farts
The Cider House Farts
Fart of the dragon
Fart in translation
Fart in black
Ripley's fart
Runaway fart
Fart it forward


Ok, that'll do for now. Stay tuned for more silly games!

Luv,
Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 3

Can I have your attention please! I still get a lot of invitations. Back from Nice last night I had three new messages waiting for me. People want me to come and hold speaches, look smart and smile and that stuff. No problems! Here's the deal:

I don't do festivals. I was asked to introduce Black Sabbath at Hultsfred some years back. The thing went well but the party after the gig took a turn for the worse, when Ozzy and I decided help ourselves to Tony Iommi's booze stash. He was very uncool about that and I was told to leave. Ozzy, the bastard, got to stay though. Unfair if you ask me.

I don't drink coffee. I repeat: I don't drink coffee! If I do, I'll definitely ruin the day for you. Let me put it this way: A flatulent princess is not too royal. It's not good for your image and it's not good for mine.
However, beer goes down well. To keep me lubricated and well-behaved all day, only a whole case will do (See tour rider below!)

I'm not a big fan of titles and that kind of crap. Just walk up to me and say "Hello Lil". However, jag inte prata någon bra svenska, so let's stick to English, shall we?

I prefer not to work with children or animals. If you, the reader, are a child or an animal, please give Madeleine a ring. She'll do anything.
Once she held a speach for The Three-Leg Dog Association in New York. That's the international organisation for dogs who've lost a back-leg. She barked away for 20 odd minutes and got a standing ovation (All present dogs stood on their front-legs. It must have been quite a sight.)

Anyway, to get me to do whatever you need me to do, being Godmother for a ship, playing the banjo at a county fair or just looking royal and snotty in your back-yard trying to impress your neighbours, I need a few things to keep me happy. Please read carefully!

Lilian's tour rider
Private room with clean showers, sink and toilets.
Banquet sized table 8' (eight feet), with linen table cloths
One small fresh fruit tray (skinned and sliced papaya, mangoes, blueberries, raspberries, oranges, pineapple)
Sliced cheese tray, 1 portion serving per cheese – Brie, Mozzarella & Cheddar
One small box of Yorkshire Gold English Tea Bags (British Import Store Item)
Four assorted sodas
Three liters Spring water for boiling
One quart (48 oz) of Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice
One case of imported British Ale.
One packet of fags, preferable Dunhills

Important: In case of a morning appearance my crew needs to be catered for (I'll have a quick shag snack in the limo on the way to the site):
Crew Breakfast (11 people)
Hot breakfast with eggs, bacon, ham. Cold whole grain cereals, donuts, yogurt and fresh fruit.

Quite a list or what? But I'm bloody well entitled to have a list like that. I'm a princess you see, and what I say goes.

See you out there!
Luv,
Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 2

All right, all right! Don't take the piss out of me! This could've happened to anyone. This time it was my turn so don't get smart with me!
As you may know I've been sort of grounded for a while. It all started on the 10th of December last year when I was all set to go to the Nobel festivities. All dressed up and waiting for my driver to escort me out to the limo, someone, who shall remain nameless, turns up and brings me the news:

Gusty Thug: Oi Lil, you'd better take off that fancy dress. You're going nowhere tonight!
Me: Try to stop me, matey. I've already had two glasses of Champagne and I'm in party mode.
Thug: Seriously, Lil. You're too old for a day like this. I'll tell Dubravka to get you a cup of hot cocoa and some sandwiches.

I went bananas. I called everyone I could think of in order to get some support for me going to the party. No one listened. They just said I was better off not going. When I tried to call Vicky for the third time she wouldn't take my call. Bastard!

Not going to the Nobel thing was a bummer. Even worse is that due to these new rules I can't take the Gretchen, Dorothy and Sheila out for drinks every Tuesday night like I used to.
Or so they think. I've bribed my staff to look the other way when I sneak out of the back door, where a taxi waits for me. Most cabbies are immigrants and don't know who I am, but last week this guy called Mustafa claimed to have seen me on TV.
"That's right, luv. I'm Elisabeth Tailor without her wig", I told him. "Now be a good sport and take me to Operakällaren."

Last night things went a bit too far to say the least. Dorothy was drunk already when we got to the bar. I suspect that "flask of tea" of hers was something else.
Anyway, we started drinking heavily while playing a nice game of Gin rummy. After having my sixth Lime Daiquiri my vision became slightly blurred. Gretchen slapped me and told me to get a grip. Having another Lime Daiquiri will do the trick, I thought. Big mistake! I don't remember anything after that, and this morning I woke up looking like this.

Yeah, yeah very funny! Wipe those smirks from your faces or I'll come over and do it for you!
I guess I've got some explaining to do now. My hairdresser will go nuts...
Let's keep this a secret between you and me, shall we?

See you out next Tuesday!
Luv,
Lil

Prinsessan Lilian bloggar 1

Jag lovade att en medlem ur kungafamiljen skulle gästblogga här och nu har jag den stora äran att välkomna Prinsessan Lilian!
Nu kan jag höra några av er grymta att hon minsann är ingift och inte en äkta Bärnadått, men det tycker jag är småaktigt resonemang. Fixa en bättre gästbloggare till era bloggar då, surpuppor!
Som vi lite mer intimare vänner av kungahuset vet, föredrar Lilian att uttrycka sig på engelska. Därför kommer vi att vara lite tvåspråkiga här på denna blogg ett tag. Enjoy!


Woke up late this morning. Reached out for some cigarettes. Didn't find any. Called for the maid but she said she didn't have any. Liar!
Tried to sneak into Gusty's office to nick some fags. Couldn't get past security. Damn!

Whoa, do I have to do some cleaning, or what? Me flat looks like effing hell.
Anyway, last night was a lot of fun. I had Gretchen, Dorothy and Sheila over for poker and beer. You see, we don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time. Blimey, I always say that to Vicky and her sister. You think they'd listen to me...
Halfway though our little game Sheila dealt me the lousiest hand I ever saw. I told her to take those cards and put'em where the sun doesn't shine, and she did!
Sometimes it's great to be a princess!


'til next time…
Luv,
Lil